Locked down with my Ukulele 28

These are strange times and I still like cheese. For me the stronger the better which inevitably means the smellier.

My brother has no filters when it comes to expressing his distaste for smelly cheeses. He was helping me move in and I’d got a particularly favourite cheese in a plastic container in the fridge. I don’t know why but he took the lid off but he did! He took an expression that he might have used if he discovered a severed limb.

He bellowed “that is disgusting! You’re going to eat that! It’s vile!”

I can’t help it I love cheese. A cheese sandwich is my go to lunchtime snack. Another favourite go to sandwich is ham, cheese and marmite. This may give away that I have a very uncultured palate.

I’m not that comfortable cooking. I’d like to entertain but I don’t have a lot of confidence in cooking for others. Since moving to where I live I’ve met a lot of new people and renewed some acquaintances from my youth. This collective of people have welcomed me and shown me a great deal of hospitality. I feel I want to reciprocate but am afraid to arrange an evening and it be a complete flop. Worse still inflict Salmonella upon people who have been very kind to me.

Which, does bring me to another wonder. Who first decided that it was a good idea to taste a cheese that had mould growing on it and through it? Worse still I’ve heard about a cheese in Italy that they infuse with maggots to eat the cheese and then they eat the maggots. That might be a step too far even for me. And I eat my own cooking.

I decided that as lock down released and we were allowed to meet socially distanced in our gardens I would get a small group round. Cheese and crackers! The obvious solution.

I purchased the cheese, and some specially constructed devices for severing such milk based delicacies. I made sure I got a good selection of mild and stronger cheeses because I understand that, and my brother is a good example, that not everyone likes the same cheese.

Assorted crackers were obtained, with a side flourish of grapes and home bred tomatoes from the Triffid in the garden (honestly those plants would take over the world if they could walk).

I’d like to think the evening went well! Apart from lighting a fire in the fire pit and smoking my guests like a salmon. Oh and the chairs sinking to the hilts on my grass. I have a mole and it would appear would have been useful to anyone thinking of burrowing an escape from my hospitality.

The company was great. One guy and I were able to chat and get to know each other better. I’d like to think that he is a friend I had got to know better. Some of my closest friends have been made chatting till the early hours around a fire. On this occasion it was more like the final gasps of a damp squid than the roaring flames of a Viking long ship being sent to Valhalla. I’d like to think that there are more chats in our future.

Everyone seemed to have their fill of cheese. One of my guests stated they were stuffed full of cheese and crackers. Then I found my Nemesis. There seemed to be more cheese after the event than when I started.

As I had the week off from work I decided to get another couple round later in the week. After that event, which also had enjoyable discussion. I still had problems getting the remainder of the cheese into the container in the fridge.

I now believe that cheese is the solution to the worlds hunger problems it seems to reproduce exponentially when left to roam with other cheese. It’s a few weeks on and I am still eating the cheese.

Relight my fire

It’s very difficult to find a song about cheese. There are a couple but even these are a bit “cheesy”! Or in parts quite rude. So relight my fire seems the next available choice although the lyric’s don’t necessarily fit my story.

The original was written and recorded by Dan Hartman in 1979. It did well in America but did not chart in Britain.

Most of us will recall The Take That version from 1993. This version is slightly less disco than the original but surprisingly similar. In the video there’s a less mature Gary and a lot less buff Robby. Lulu bursts into the middle of it and the party gets into fourth gear. This version did hit the number one slot in October.

This broke records for Lulu as it was 29 years 148 days between her chart debut with Shout in 1964 and reaching number one. Lulu has been a consistent presence in the charts since 1964 but until you look at the record, however inconceivable it seems that it took that long, it’s true.

Shout peaked at number 7, Boom Bang-A-Bang reached number 2 but until the collaboration with Take That the number one slot eluded her. I’ve seen her live and I have to say she’s a great performer. If you get a chance to attend one of her shows do. The blend of stories and songs make for a thoroughly entertaining evening.

No cheese in sight!

Stay safe