Locked down with my Ukulele 26

These are strange times and there are a lot of beards about. So the question is facial hair or not to facial hair.

I find, and this is by no means a scientific statement confirmed by extensive and exhaustive experimentation, women are split on the subject. Some say they don’t like the way it itches when you kiss. Maybe more practice is required?

Others love the way it looks. I’ve been told I look good in a beard. I have grey hair with a bit of black in it. I’ve been told I have a bit of a silver fox thing going on. I suppose I should have looked that up before I put it in the blog.

I have said before I am over weight. Spherical in fact. When I had a beard I was asked if I would do a Christmas party as Santa. Unfortunately I think I might have fitted the part quite well. I declined!

I bought a suit from a well-known on-line shopping service it was on offer. I bought according to my waist size. The suit came and I was actually quite pleased with the quality. Not exactly Saville Row but good for the price. I tried it on and I need to have the arms and legs shortened by about 4 inches. Apparently for my waist I should be 6’ 8”.

I’ve grown a beard before because I never had one before. On another occasion, out of sheer laziness, I couldn’t be bothered to shave.

In my defence there are times when you need to give your face a break. I do have a talent for growing hair. I even have a plethora in my ears and up my nose.

I’ve just looked at my arms and realised I’ve got quite a bit there as well.

The first few days are fine. I have quite thick hair. It grows around my lips and develops into tiny spears that stab at the opposite side of my mouth every time I speak. This is phase 1 of the uncomfortable stakes. The solution is to stand in front of the mirror with a pair of razor sharp scissors and try to excise the offending bristles without lacerating any part of my mouth.

After that is the itch. As hair grows it does seem to pull up part of the face with it.

Phase 3 is trimming. This is when having a beard becomes more troublesome than having to shave. It’s having a predominant hand and a two sided face. If you are ambidextrous this would be less of a problem. I am not. Symmetry and steadiness of hand are a requirement. This is when it is inevitable that phase 4 comes into effect.

Phase 4 shave off the beard. This involves using a new twin blade razor to rip the hair from your cheeks and jaw as you drag the razor across your face.

Then throw chemicals on your face, which burn like battery acid. This is otherwise known as after shave.

Sharp Dressed Man

A group that had no such problems were ZZ top. These guys made beards super cool.

The song was recorded in 1982 and realised in 1983.

Sharp dressed man is about a silk suited, black tied, cufflink fitted, gold watch wearing man, all the girls go crazy for.

I’m off to get a new shirt, black tie and get the suit altered. Well I can hope.

Stay safe

P.S. I looked up Silver Fox. I think I’m safe.